Making A Change

I sent this essay to a blog a couple weeks ago but it probably got rejected; I didn’t hear any reply:( So, I am thinking to share this “Making A Change” in my own blog:) Please enjoy and it is truly based on my personal stories. 

“If I want to change my surroundings, I have to change my attitude first.” This is what I told myself when I was deciding whether I should go study abroad or not. Coming to the United States is the biggest decision I have ever made in my short nineteen years of life, and I believe it will still be one of those greatest decisions that I will never regret. Or the other way, I don’t care if I am going to regret because I know I will definitely be regretting if I didn’t do this.

Why should I make myself suffer?

I was scared to make a change. Leaving my family and friends, flying thousands miles away from home, speaking in an entirely different language, worrying if I could not fit in with the locals, hoping I would not be discriminated … All these thoughts were repeating in my head. The hesitations that I had stopped me from making this big decision decisively. Whenever these thoughts popped up, I asked myself why I did not just stay in this comfort zone and forget about the whole studying abroad plan. It was very easy to give up. Making changes were never my cup of tea; I did not have to do this to make myself suffer. However, the more I thought, the more I felt my attitude was so wrong. Just because I didn’t believe in myself and kept escaping, I would have missed a lot of things. It was the attitude that I should change first. If I didn’t take the first step, all these worries were only excuses that prevented me from getting new opportunities.

“I was scared because I had never tried something like this.”

It was never easy to make a change. Changing is not to give up what you had in the past, but to bring what you had in the past and convert it into something that improves yourself in the present as well as in the future. Going to a new school in an entirely different country was a challenge. I was scared because I had never tried something like this. When I began studying in a high school three years ago in California, things did not go really well. I was not good at communicating in a second language, and sometimes I did not even understand what they were talking about. I did not make a lot of friends, and I found it hard to do a group project. I was an introvert, and I am still an introvert, but this would not be a reason for me to step back. The experiences that I first gained in the United States were not pleasing, but these were the experiences that created a new page in my life. It was absolutely fine to be scared, and all these things I went through provided enough reasons for me to be scared. The main point was how to overcome them.

Making a change is not scary, but not being happy is.

There were times that I hoped I didn’t make this change. Changing is scary, and it does not fit with my personality. However, if I didn’t make a change, my surroundings would neither make a change. It might be a bad change from what I had first experienced, but it does not matter to me now because I feel happy. I get to develop a better self by experiencing and exploring. Right now, I am a college student, still studying in the United States. Looking back at these memories, they were nothing. It was these experiences that made me become who I am now. What I got from making this change were more than these experiences. I got to explore a different side of the world, and a different side of me. I was hesitated and lost, and I never know what comes next. Nevertheless, it is not important. I just have to feel happy at the end and that is enough.

The sky in the United States is clear. I always like to look up in the dark and see those shining stars. This is also one of the moments that I enjoy while studying in California. If I didn’t make this decision, I think I would never see this side of the sky. Although the same worries happened just as what I thought of before coming to the United States, this change still makes me proud. I was afraid, I once regretted, I hesitated, but if I didn’t change my attitudes, my surroundings would have stayed the same forever. I am glad I gave a try.

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